The Mental Load & Emotional Labor: A Complete Breakdown of Who Does What 🏠🧠

Why Women Are Still Carrying the Mental Load & Emotional Labor (And How to Fix It) 🧠⚖️

Parenting and running a household are supposed to be shared responsibilities—but let’s be honest, are they really?

Even in partnerships where household chores are divided “equally”, one person (usually the woman) still manages the entire process—planning, organizing, reminding, and ensuring things actually get done.

This is the mental load.

Then there’s emotional labor—the expectation to regulate emotions, keep relationships intact, and carry the emotional well-being of the family.

🚨 The problem? Even when men step up with tangible chores (cooking, dishes, laundry), the invisible work—the reminders, the planning, the tracking, the worrying—still falls on women.

So let’s fix that. Here’s a breakdown of everything that keeps a household running—a comprehensive, no-excuses list to help redistribute the load fairly.

📌 How to Use This List

✅ Print it out.

✅ Highlight who currently does what.

✅ Reassign tasks based on fairness, not convenience.

✅ If one person takes the lead, the other person manages the reminders.

✅ Set clear expectations and revisit the list regularly.

🏡 Household Chores & Errands

✔ Washing and switching out towels

✔ Keeping counters clear

✔ General tidying up

✔ Managing incoming mail

✔ Trash and recycling

✔ Washing laundry

✔ Putting away laundry

✔ Making beds

✔ Cleaning refrigerator

✔ Straightening kitchen cabinets/drawers

✔ Yard and garden work

✔ Rearranging closets

✔ Loading & running the dishwasher

✔ Unloading the dishwasher

✔ Scheduling haircuts & beauty maintenance

✔ Cleaning bath mats

✔ Washing bedding & changing sheets

✔ Washing blankets

✔ Washing pet bedding

✔ Keeping cat/dog areas clean

✔ Replacing toothbrushes

✔ Washing shower curtains

✔ Decluttering & donating items

✔ Scheduling annual family photos

✔ Trips to Goodwill

🍽️ Meal Planning & Prep

✔ Weekly menu planning

✔ Grocery shopping

✔ Cooking dinner

✔ Setting the table

✔ Clearing the table

✔ Packing kids' meals & lunches (or making sure their school account is replenished)

✔ Organizing the fridge & pantry

👶 Child & Pet Care

✔ Bathing children

✔ Disciplining children

✔ Handling bedtime routines

✔ Managing sick kids

✔ Handling child crises

✔ Supporting kids’ emotions

✔ Feeding the pets

✔ Administering pet medications

✔ Scheduling vet appointments

✔ Taking pets to vet/groomer

✔ Scheduling kids' haircuts

✔ Checking toy safety

✔ Checking kids' clothing sizes

✔ Clipping kids’ nails

🫂 Social & Emotional Labor

✔ Checking in with each side of the family

✔ Keeping in touch with extended relatives

✔ Planning holidays & family gatherings

✔ Arranging date nights

✔ Planning quiet evenings at home

✔ Initiating relationship talks

✔ Scheduling time with friends

🏥 Medical & Health Management

✔ Coordinating family medical care

✔ Scheduling physicals, dental & eye exams

✔ Managing prescriptions & OTC meds

✔ Notifying school of medical appointments

🎁 Gift-Giving & Special Occasions

✔ Birthday gifts & cards for all family members

✔ Wedding gifts & cards

✔ Graduation gifts

✔ Sympathy cards

✔ Writing & sending thank-you notes

✔ Planning & preparing for parties

✔ Holiday gift shopping & wrapping

🎒 School & Extracurriculars

✔ School drop-off & pick-up

✔ Packing snacks & water for school

✔ Scheduling & attending parent-teacher conferences

✔ Attending IEP meetings

✔ Helping with homework & managing assignments

✔ Handling school communication

✔ Researching & enrolling in activities & summer camps

✔ Scheduling playdates

🏠 Home Maintenance

✔ Window washing

✔ Changing light bulbs

✔ Scheduling home & appliance repairs

✔ Managing remodeling projects

✔ Buying furniture & home decor

✔ Cleaning gutters, drains, and carpets

✔ Scheduling HVAC maintenance

✔ Replacing air filters & batteries

✔ Testing smoke & carbon monoxide detectors

🚗 Vehicle Maintenance

✔ Filling gas tanks

✔ Managing auto insurance & registration

✔ Scheduling oil changes & tire rotations

✔ Cleaning & detailing cars

✔ Keeping track of car maintenance needs

💰 Finances & Travel Planning

✔ Paying bills & budgeting

✔ Managing investments & retirement accounts

✔ Researching and planning vacations

✔ Booking hotels & activities

✔ Packing for kids & managing travel documents

📢 The Bottom Line: A Truly Equal Partnership Requires More Than Chore Charts

If you're the one tracking all of this, then you're still carrying the mental load—even if your partner helps. Planning, reminding, and delegating are still work.

💡 What to do next?

• Sit down with your partner and review this list.

• Divide responsibilities based on fairness, not convenience.

• Check in regularly to ensure the workload stays balanced.

🚀 Let’s hear it! What tasks do you still handle alone? Drop them in the comments! 👇

📞 Call or text: 614-470-4466

📧 Email: admin@achievepsychology.org

🌐 Visit: www.achievepsychology.org