Parenthood is considered to be a partnership more than ever before; however, women continue to be the primary provider of parenting duties, household duties, and planning, organizing, and reminding for all of the things for all of the family members.
You may have first heard of The Mental Load in this comic created by French cartoonist, Emma. The Mental Load refers to the invisible, non-tangible tasks involved in running a household and family. Men have come a long way in fairly dividing tangible duties, like changing diapers, cooking dinner, cleaning the bathrooms, and attending playdates; however, women often still have to remind their partner to do these tasks, make to-do lists for them, create a chore chart, etc., which is work in and of itself!
Emotional Labor, on the other hand, is when you are required to regulate your emotions in the workplace or social situations to put others at ease. For example, having to present cheerfully and make small talk even if you just lost a family member, endured a breakup, or received a troubling medical diagnosis. Teachers are another excellent example, especially during these times. They are expected to remain calm and friendly at all times, even as parents berate them or accuse them of neglecting their child.
It is a gendered expectation that women are all natural, empathetic caregivers, and it's time to start discussing the mental load and emotional labor constructs with your boyfriends/husbands/partners. In order for a truly balanced division of labor to exist, these factors must be taken into account in addition to the tangible childcare and household chores.
Below you will find a comprehensive list of "invisible" tasks to discuss with your partner. Take some time during this holiday week to review them and try to set a more equal division of labor.
Chores/Errands
Washing and switching out towels
Keeping counters clear
General tidying up
Managing incoming mail
Trash and recycling
Washing laundry
Putting away laundry
Making beds
Cleaning refrigerator
Straightening kitchen cabinets/drawers
Yard and garden work
Straightening/rearranging closets
Loading and running dishwasher
Unloading dishwasher
Scheduling haircuts
Scheduling beauty maintenance
Cleaning bath mats
Washing bedding
Changing sheets
Washing blankets
Washing dog bedding
Keeping cats's area swept and mopped
Changing out toothbrushes
Washing shower curtains
Washing other household curtains
Decluttering/Discarding
Scheduling annual family photos
Trips to Good Will
Meals
Weekly menu planning
Grocery shopping
Cooking dinner
Setting the table
Clearing the table
Kids' meals and lunches
Organize fridge
Organize pantry
Child & Pet Care
Child 1's baths
Child 2's baths
Child 1 discipline
Child 2 discipline
Child 1 bedtime
Child 2 bedtime
Dealing with sick kids
Handling a child crisis
Dealing with Child 1's emotions
Dealing with Child 2's emotions
Feed the Dogs
Feed Cats
Administer medications to dogs/cats
Schedule vet appointments
Take Dogs to vet
Take Cats to vet
Schedule grooming appointments
Take pets to groomer
Kids' haircuts
Age checking toys
Size checking kids' clothes
Clipping kids' nails
Socializing
Weekly check-in with Dad's parents
Weekly check-in with Mom's parents
Weekly check-in with Dad's siblings
Weekly check-in with Mom's siblings
Keeping in touch with extended family
Planning for holidays
Planning/arranging romantic dates
Planning quiet evenings at home
Planning/initiating sex
Planning/arranging dinner out
Planning/arranging family outings
Leading recreational outings
Initiating talks about the relationship
Planning get togethers with friends
Medical
Coordinating family's medical care
Coordinating annual physicals
Coordinating family's dental care
Coordinating family's eye care
Managing prescriptions/OTC meds
Notify school of appointments
Gifts/Occasions
Dad's birthday gifts
Mom's birthday gifts
Child 1's birthday gifts
Child 2's birthday gifts
Grandfather's birthday gifts
Grandmother's birthday gifts
Aunt's birthday gifts
Uncle's birthday gifts
Birthday cards for extended family
Wedding cards/gifts
Graduation cards/gifts
Sympathy cards
Writing and sending thank you notes
Preparing house for guests
Planning and preparing for parties
Dad's Christmas gifts
Mom's Christmas gifts
Child 1's Christmas gifts
Child 2's Christmas gifts
Maternal grandparents Christmas gifts
Paternal grandparents Christmas gifts
Gifts for kids' friends
Wrapping gifts
Father's day gifts - grandparents
Mother's day gifts - grandparents
School
School drop off
School pick up
Packing snack/water for school
Scheduling teacher conferences
Attending teacher conferences
Child 2's IEP meetings
Help with homework
Manage assignments
School communication
Classroom activities
Extracurricular Activities
Taking kids to special events
Taking kids to birthday parties
Taking Child 1 to dance
Taking Child 2 to speech
Planning/researching activities and summer camps
Enrolling kids in activities and summer camps
Scheduling play dates
Attending play dates
Home Maintenance
Window Washing
Changing light bulbs
Managing appliance repair
Managing home repairs
Managing remodeling
Buying furniture
Redecorating home
Buying new items for home
Buying new appliances
Decorating for holidays
Scheduling cleaning service
Present for cleaning service
Vent cleaning
Air filter replacement
Carpet cleaning
Rug cleaning
Cleaning gutters
Handyman stuff/scheduling
Cleaning drains
Caulking
Garage maintenance
Decluttering all storage
Furnace maintenance
Test smoke/gas detectors
Clean humidifiers
Changing batteries
Vehicle Maintenance
Filling up the gas tanks
Managing auto insurance
Managing car tags/registration
Oil changes
Changing wiper blades
Checking tire air pressure
Vacuuming cars
Cars through car wash
Tire rotations
Detailing
Cleaning out cars
Finances
Paying the bills
Creating a budget
Bank errands
Doing taxes
Financial planning
Major purchases (cars, etc.)
Managing investments
Managing retirement
Managing kids' college accounts
Travel
Choosing destination
Planning vacation activities
Booking hotel rooms
Buying tickets
Notifying kids' school of absences
Packing suitcases
Activities and snacks for adults
Activities and snacks for kids
Keep track of travel documents/emails
