Common Mistakes Parents Make When Supporting Kids with Anxiety

If you’ve got a child who panics before school, avoids social situations, or asks “What if?” 47 times a day, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong.

You love your kid. You want to help. But when it comes to supporting kids with anxiety, it’s easy to accidentally reinforce the very thing you’re trying to fix.

Let’s break down 5 common mistakes (we’ve all made them)—and what to do instead.

❌ Mistake #1: Reassuring Them Over and Over and Over…

The Intent: “I just want them to know it’ll be okay.”

The Problem: Reassurance can become a crutch. The more you repeat, “You’ll be fine,” the more they feel like they shouldn’t be anxious—and the less they learn to self-soothe.

Try This Instead:

“You’re feeling really nervous. That makes sense. What’s one thing we can try to help your body feel safer?”

Validate, then shift to coping, not convincing.

❌ Mistake #2: Letting Avoidance Run the Show

The Intent: “If I let them skip it this time, maybe it’ll be easier next time.”

The Problem: Avoidance feels good short-term but strengthens anxiety long-term. Each time they skip the hard thing, their brain thinks, “Phew, danger avoided!”—even when there was no actual threat.

Try This Instead:

“I know this is really hard, but we’re going to take one small step today. You don’t have to do it all at once.”

Support gradual exposure. Build confidence through success.

❌ Mistake #3: Accommodating Every Anxiety-Driven Demand

The Intent: “I just want peace and quiet.”

The Problem: When anxiety becomes the family CEO, everyone suffers. You’re not being mean by setting limits—you’re helping your child feel safe within boundaries.

Try This Instead:

“I hear that you’re upset. I’m here to help, but we’re still going to follow through.”

Consistency builds trust. Boundaries reduce chaos.

❌ Mistake #4: Dismissing or Minimizing

The Intent: “It’s not a big deal, they’ll get over it.”

The Problem: To a child with anxiety, everything feels like a big deal. Dismissing their fear can lead to shame, confusion, and more anxiety.

Try This Instead:

“I see that this feels big to you. Let’s talk about it together.”

Empathy before problem-solving—always.

❌ Mistake #5: Expecting Progress to Be Linear

The Intent: “They did it last week—why is it hard again now?”

The Problem: Anxiety doesn’t follow a straight line. There are good days, bad days, and “nope, not today” days. Expecting perfection can increase pressure and make setbacks worse.

Try This Instead:

“Progress isn’t about doing it perfectly every time—it’s about showing up and trying again.”

Celebrate effort. Normalize wobbles. Keep going.

❤️ The Takeaway

Supporting kids with anxiety means walking the tightrope between gentle and firm, validating and challenging, protecting and pushing.

You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to keep showing up—and learn as you go. 💚

Want personalized support for your child’s anxiety? We’re here to help.

📞 Call or text: 614-470-4466

📧 Email: admin@achievepsychology.org

🌐 Visit: www.achievepsychology.org

Resources:

1. Chansky, T. (2014). Freeing Your Child from Anxiety.

2. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. (2023). Parenting Children with Anxiety.

3. Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2018). The Yes Brain.

4. Lebowitz, E. R., & Omer, H. (2013). Treating Childhood and Adolescent Anxiety: A Guide for Caregivers.

5. Child Mind Institute. (2022). What Not to Do with Anxious Kids.