How to Explain Executive Function to a Parent (Without Sounding Like a Robot)

You’re in a meeting with a concerned parent. Their child is missing assignments, forgetting books, melting down over transitions, and taking 47 years to brush their teeth.

You know it’s executive functioning. They just think their kid is lazy.

Time to put on your translator hat. Let’s talk about how to explain executive function—clearly, compassionately, and without sounding like a robot built by the APA.

🧠 First, What Is Executive Function? (Parent-Friendly Version)

Executive function is the brain’s air traffic control system. Or a personal assistant that helps you:

• Get started on a task

• Stay focused

• Shift between activities

• Remember what to bring

• Control emotions

• Resist impulses

• Keep track of time

• Finish what you start

If your child is missing homework, melting down over chores, or losing their backpack for the 17th time this week—it’s probably an executive function thing.

📦 Break It into Simple Categories

Use the “Big 3” to keep it digestible:

1. Working Memory

“Holding info in your head long enough to use it.” E.g. Remembering all the steps to pack their backpack without a list.

2. Cognitive Flexibility

“Being able to shift gears without losing it.” E.g. Transitioning from screens to dinner without screaming.

3. Inhibitory Control

“Putting the brakes on impulses and big emotions.” E.g. Not yelling when their sibling breathes too loudly.

Bonus: Executive function isn’t a fixed trait. It can improve with support, routines, visuals, and practice.

🗣️ How to Say It Without the Psychobabble

Instead of:

“Your child has deficits in executive functioning.” Try: “Your child has trouble with planning, organization, and remembering what to do next. It’s not about motivation—it’s how their brain is wired.”

Instead of:

“We’re seeing impairment in initiation and sustained attention. ”Try: “He struggles to get started and stay focused—especially if the task isn’t interesting or if there’s a lot going on around him.”

Instead of:

“They’re exhibiting emotional dysregulation.” Try: “Big feelings take over fast, and it’s hard for them to calm down on their own.”

💡 Use Relatable Examples

“Imagine trying to follow a recipe while someone keeps changing the instructions and yelling at you. That’s what school feels like to your child.”

Or:

“It’s like your child has a remote control with no pause or rewind. Everything just keeps happening, and they can’t catch up.”

Metaphors make the invisible visible. They also keep parents from spiraling into shame mode.

🧰 Give Them Hope—and a Plan

Make sure to emphasize:

• Executive function isn’t a character flaw

• It’s common in ADHD, anxiety, autism, trauma, and even just late bloomers

• Skills can be taught

• You're building a support plan, not a punishment plan

Suggest tools like:

• Checklists

• Timers

• Visual schedules

• Breaks and movement

• Simplified routines

• Praise for process, not perfection

❤️ The Takeaway

Parents don’t need a neuroscience lesson. They need clarity. They need compassion. And they need someone who sees the kid beneath the chaos.

The goal isn’t to impress with your jargon—it’s to connect, reframe, and equip.

When we get executive functioning, we stop blaming and start building. 💚

Need help creating parent-friendly scripts, cheat sheets, or support plans?

📞 Call or text: 614-470-4466

📧 Email: admin@achievepsychology.org

🌐 Visit: www.achievepsychology.org

Works Cited:

1. Dawson, P., & Guare, R. (2018). Smart but Scattered.

2. Barkley, R. A. (2012). Executive Functions: What They Are, How They Work, and Why They Evolved.

3. Center on the Developing Child – Harvard University. (2023). Executive Function & Self-Regulation.

4. Adele Diamond (2013). Executive Functions. Annual Review of Psychology.

5. CHADD. (2023). Executive Function and ADHD Explained.